For the past weeks and months, I thought I had it figured out.
I thought I had everything, or most of it, under control: manage work before it gets too big, keep time on the side for personal interests and projects, and enough social interaction to produce new opportunities regularly.
It was without counting with family! Family gets happy or gets sick, relatives visit you or they need you at their bedside. Family needs to talk, and you'd better be there to listen, because they have been there for you before.
I need to be honest here: oftentimes lately I feel like I should just send whoever to hell, go traveling round the world. I feel hindered by my relationships to a certain place, a certain history, and that it's gonna keep me from realizing my dreams.
Luckily, I have been reading a bit. "The 7 habits of highly effective people" and Dan Buettner at a TED conference provide me with an answer for this situation:
- be trustworthy and caring with those close to you and you'll build up an "emotional account" that is beneficial both to you and to those people, by making the relationship easy and a source of positive feelings
- live by principles, so that when you disagree with someone, you have enough confidence and wisdom not to make it personal or aggressive; it's just that you are different, and if you are mature enough you'll respect each other for having different views on some topics
- the moment I start feeling "hindered" by my family, I know that I need to change perspectives, and see the opportunity. My life balance principle tells me I should not try to avoid all contact and responsibility just because I feel like being on holiday.
It is a huge opportunity to:
- show your gratitude to the people who raised you up. It is not about "I sacrifice for them because they sacrificed for me". I don't like the idea of sacrifice, there is guilt and regret associated to it. It's about openly, proactively, extending a generous hand, lending time, feeling actually glad to be able to help.
- listen. We like to talk, we fill our living rooms with the sound of music and TVs. But to have the chance to listen to someone, who has lived a rather long life, share some of the wisdom and talk about insignificant event of the daily life makes you reflect on your own life. And think twice about what you really want to give priority to.
- connect. I believe when you manage to listen and empathize, and as you are here you have shown your involvement and caring, a connection between you and another individual simply happens, that participates to the feeling of fulfillement of someone's life and sense of purpose and achievement.
What do you think? I'd like to read your thoughts about it.
Showing posts with label 7 habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 7 habits. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Get Control
I used to feel that I did not have time for anything.
Between high-school and business school, I think I was late for almost every appointment I ever had. I'm not the most punctual person on earth, but I think I can safely say that I got better.
I was delayed a bit today as I left my office, and therefore got slightly late at the presentation I went to attend.
5 years ago, or maybe just 3 years ago, I probably would have ran like a madman to catch up with time, and win a couple of minutes. What I have understood is that time does not control me. I am in control of my life, of my actions, of my priorities.
Reaching that comprehension has taken me a lot of time, and quite many years of running, getting shorter of breath, and yet another day closer to death. I see today that it's okay to be one day closer to death without running. Be it to gain a few seconds on a travel, or to fit more things in one day.
Even though I cannot do everything that there is to do on this earth, even though I cannot possibly go through the complete span of life experiences, I can take my time. In fact, I feel it's because I know that I cannot do everything, I can allow myself to take control of my time.
Currently, I am reading The 7 Habits of Highly effective people.
Random trivia: in French the title reads something like "The 7 habits of people who successfully realize everything that they set themselves to endeavour" (don't worry, it's actually shorter when you write it in French. otherwise it simply would not even fit in the front cover :p ).
It is a highly useful book, as it provides guidance in leading a life more centered around principles and values, rather than appearance and personality, as is often the case in our current times.
After setting out to explain that:
- if you want to change, you need to want to change: the "what if", "I wish" won't ever do you no good
habit 1, "be proactive"
- all things are created twice: before you act, you must first produce an image of the expected result in your mind
habit 2: "begin with the end in mind",
so after those two habits he gives an opinion on the difference between leadership and management. If leadership is about going in the right direction (habit 2), habit 3 is about management: "Put first things first".
By consistently prioritizing on what is important for us, and not only on what is urgent, we can get more results on those important things.
And what is important? well, there can be quite a few things. I had some trouble understanding the whole point of this habit until I found out about the "roles" perspective. In our lives, we all hold several roles: child (of our parents), sibling (of our siblings), friend, colleague, student, etc.
And the first thing to do is, regularly, to assess which of our roles are most important to us. Then we can start prioritizing on the things we have to do. Well that is how I do it, in fact, and it is doing it that way that has helped me significantly in better managing myself (rather than better managing my time).
I undertook a"paradigm change", as Aiesecers would have it: I changed my perspective and understanding on a topic, on a given part of the world, therefore allowing myself to interact differently with that part of the world that I now see differently.
So that was it! First post since the last one, where I stated my new ambition: more personal, shorter and more to the point, and hopefully more practical, less philosophical than usual.
Cheerioos,
Jonhjonh soon at large in Cyproos
Between high-school and business school, I think I was late for almost every appointment I ever had. I'm not the most punctual person on earth, but I think I can safely say that I got better.
I was delayed a bit today as I left my office, and therefore got slightly late at the presentation I went to attend.
5 years ago, or maybe just 3 years ago, I probably would have ran like a madman to catch up with time, and win a couple of minutes. What I have understood is that time does not control me. I am in control of my life, of my actions, of my priorities.
Reaching that comprehension has taken me a lot of time, and quite many years of running, getting shorter of breath, and yet another day closer to death. I see today that it's okay to be one day closer to death without running. Be it to gain a few seconds on a travel, or to fit more things in one day.
Even though I cannot do everything that there is to do on this earth, even though I cannot possibly go through the complete span of life experiences, I can take my time. In fact, I feel it's because I know that I cannot do everything, I can allow myself to take control of my time.
Currently, I am reading The 7 Habits of Highly effective people.
Random trivia: in French the title reads something like "The 7 habits of people who successfully realize everything that they set themselves to endeavour" (don't worry, it's actually shorter when you write it in French. otherwise it simply would not even fit in the front cover :p ).
It is a highly useful book, as it provides guidance in leading a life more centered around principles and values, rather than appearance and personality, as is often the case in our current times.
After setting out to explain that:
- if you want to change, you need to want to change: the "what if", "I wish" won't ever do you no good
habit 1, "be proactive"
- all things are created twice: before you act, you must first produce an image of the expected result in your mind
habit 2: "begin with the end in mind",
so after those two habits he gives an opinion on the difference between leadership and management. If leadership is about going in the right direction (habit 2), habit 3 is about management: "Put first things first".
By consistently prioritizing on what is important for us, and not only on what is urgent, we can get more results on those important things.
And what is important? well, there can be quite a few things. I had some trouble understanding the whole point of this habit until I found out about the "roles" perspective. In our lives, we all hold several roles: child (of our parents), sibling (of our siblings), friend, colleague, student, etc.
And the first thing to do is, regularly, to assess which of our roles are most important to us. Then we can start prioritizing on the things we have to do. Well that is how I do it, in fact, and it is doing it that way that has helped me significantly in better managing myself (rather than better managing my time).
I undertook a"paradigm change", as Aiesecers would have it: I changed my perspective and understanding on a topic, on a given part of the world, therefore allowing myself to interact differently with that part of the world that I now see differently.
So that was it! First post since the last one, where I stated my new ambition: more personal, shorter and more to the point, and hopefully more practical, less philosophical than usual.
Cheerioos,
Jonhjonh soon at large in Cyproos
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